you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
