She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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