I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
