Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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