mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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