DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
