next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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