I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
