How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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