I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
