nut hugger
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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