I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
