Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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