Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
