I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize