i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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