do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
