hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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