that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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