Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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