Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
