Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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