I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
