My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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