youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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