I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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