just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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