so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
