there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
