I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
