i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
