I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
