We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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