Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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