He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
