you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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