she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
