I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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