new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
