we made out on top of his cat.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
