I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
