I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Semen is not good for contacts.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
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she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
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Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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