You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
