I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I understand Curling. That high.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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