I want to stick my p in your. b.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
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did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
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I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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