I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
