were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
