Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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