Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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