after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
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My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
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I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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