I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
