She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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