what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
