Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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