Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
