and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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