i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
