I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
