I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
