That's intense
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
