Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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