am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
