The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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