I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
