youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize