It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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