Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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