If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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