Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
