She is in my trunk
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
