He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
