btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
